Riffing a Good Long Stretch

Okay. This one's long. Very long. Hours long. Literally.
It is a pot riff with some later clean up.
It's not necessarily a linear read. Jump in anywhere and on it goes.
May ye be amused in discoverings and rememberings and amusements.

A plant's nature is to grow to be the plant it is. A flower can't help but bloom the way it blooms. --Well, it might have a say in the matter, and that's my point, too. You can't help expressing what you express unless you're smart enough to figure out something else to do or not.

I've liked this play on words, "Incogneato", for a long time. Where once there was nothing, thence came an ability to turn away from, curve in on, carve out from: oneness. The first deception, when the whole emptiness pushed a little against the undisturbed vastness of nothing. Suddenly, a little lie, a little shift, a little evasion and avoidance and recoil and preemptive strike outward, other-ward, un-unified-unilateral. And I'm not sure if that was easier than it sounds or more difficult, or how much vastness it had to wait in before the nudge did its first impulse to not continue being nothing. But The Great NonDisturbance got some ants in his pants for not sitting around any longer basking in completion. No, nope, let there be hope or a dope on a rope. Hop-a-long Cassidy was born to take Not Yet Creation for a ride, and we are further fascinations and complexifications of that first impulse down through the ages and ages forevermore. So to come back to "incogneato", there lies the suggestion of every thing being a portioning off of all that is, a cog so to speak; and how neat that trick of the little lie of separateness becoming all these pieces so differentiated. How neat the little lie to play among.

So you think I'd remember this, but we seem pretty convincingly designed to forget and forget again. That's partly why I'm writing this stuff down is to show I've got some good moves before I lose them (or at least some frames of reference observing my own whereabouts). :-) Moves to remembering unity and how that just sort of hangs there in everything, unifying everything, being everything, that emptiness in the middle of everything that is home, stillness, finish before starting. The non being is just suspended, I guess.

Do we need a nothing to contrast with all the somethings? Seems like my mind wants to keep going back to that, that nothing is somehow a fullness, a true origin, an abundant benevolent whole thing unto itself while also in every distinction. Out of that cozy inclusion came all this wilful push away or grab and run or put up fences or be smarter than someone else.

And all these infinite divisions are just, "Yikes!" unrelenting. We feel we're itching for something new, and then we balk at the overwhelm. So sensitive, so nervy and so easily unnerved, so sensually unique. God is God/good at making his way out, faaar out of his own image of being imagelessness. Our common nothing hangs suspended with us, within us, joining us, founding us, birthing us, unifying us, and we go forth and multiply our differences eternally and infinitely beyond and beyond. And then we turn around to look at each other and go, "Ah! Who are you and where did you come from and are you yucky and intolerably different than me, or are you like me? Are our resonances feeling good with each other? Do our rules correspond well, even if we find an agreement in how flagrantly we both like breaking the rules, for example: on how we've agreed to construct sentences...?? ...and you begin to realise just how vast vast is.

And that's another reason I wanted to do this blog, is to acknowledge and breathe just how vast we are inside ourselves! We are there gargantuan eaters of life experience, moment by moment, infinite birthing every moment. Many levels are we engulfing in a kind of split simultaneity. Hungry and ever filling. And after 54 years, you're like, "Well, what is all this adding up to? I've tried really hard to fill myself with as much knowledge and perspective and frames of reference about reality. So now what? I wonder if there is something to gather up about it all. And I notice much of human interaction is rather surfacy and sort of checked-out in ourselves, while all this deep rich stuff is simmering inside, all those really juicy observations you've had in your quiet little inner receptivities. And what then? It all just hangs there forever? Seems it would want to come out, push its head out of the shy little turtle shell it lives in, and share its views with the greater whole.

And that's another thing, that really we are all simply IT. We are the same stuff, just very cleverly disguised or cut off from each other. Incognitos, right? So we are the whole, but somehow also separate parts of it, conglomerations evolving and purmutating through very long time spans, albeit eons of ongoing splittings off and recombinings. And why why are we doing this? And all I can come up with is that basically The Grand Ol' Nothingness got bored/curious/restless/dissatisfied with its singular integrity, and split off for the sake of sheer variety and and want of something to relate to/escape from. And how ironic that this fundamental rejection of oneness allows the start of... RELATIONSHIP!

So the basic gist was just to have Relationships-for-God's-Sake! or Nothingness's Sake. One doesn't have to call it God. God basically means "good", and it's nice imagining all this being basically grounded in benevolence. I mean it all is the one Being being everything. So, one would think it has its own back, no matter how much it's forgotten or still doesn't know that all the offshoots are still of the one great impulse to be and relate.

"Will he draw out, for anger's sake, finite to infinite?" asked Milton. Or maybe, Mr. Milton, it's the reverse: "Will we draw out for fun's sake, the infinite to the finite?" It's probably both, one being the in-breath taking up finiteness, and the other the exhaustion, releasing all divestments back to one and nil, pregnant however she be, one great non-iota of non being. Now here we are at this juncture of in-breath, practicing in all kinds of finiteness, yes? We are parts partaking of our limitations from infiniteness. A plant is a plant, a tree a tree. And I be this being with 10 fingers and 10 toes and other assorted however well sculptured qualities that do many fine things well and many other things not so well, or not at all.

Somehow we've compressed our infinity into these limited vehicles and boxed ourselves in. And that sort of sucks. But it must be a pretty worthwhile thing for the universe to configure itself to, or we wouldn't all be here 6+ billions of these hungry-to-live as humans. But then, of course, the goal seems to be to stretch through those limits back toward limitlessness. Basically we seem to be ever somewhere along this arch between a set of poles, where one extreme is to be extremely limited and the other extreme is to be completely unlimited. Finite to infinite, and infinite to finite, we play from one end and back toward the other, rather like yoyo's, and also rather like sine waves, and also rather like a great breath: a great undulating continuum.

At this point, it looks as though we are crossing at a sort of middle ground place along this continuum where we see that we are not entirely separate and yet we're pretty far from feeling all that connected, either. We are pretty much entrenched cogs of finiteness inching toward expansion back toward infiniteness. I think we are becoming more aware of how cool and powerful and capable our individual selves are, and also getting more aware that this trip is all-inclusive, like we're all attached by invisible taffy, so we are connected to each-other's movements and thoughts; and even behind all the form, we are one, we are this empty beginning place, where everything is birthed. We are one mad multiple-birth enterprize. Talk about having a lot of children on your hands! And The Great God Beginning just sort of hangs back there and lets her rip.

And rip we do, into each other at least provocation. And that's kind of fun when it's not too annoying, and we can get pretty annoyed at each other's differences. But I think we're starting to see more how we are all connected. And I know that's about as cliche as "Be the difference you want to see in the world". Well, which is it? We're all one and we're all following our own dreams, Each is going their own way, yelling however loud their rebel yell, constructing and/or destroying whatever sense of establishment we like or don't like the idea of. ...God, we are funny, we take our formations so seriously. I guess God really likes believing the movies S/He's in. And we've all heard this how life is like a movie, and then we forget and go back to playing it. Incognito, as neat as we can make it be.

Isn't it interesting that no matter how enlightened we get, the game seems to like pulling us back, down, and under into heavier waters that slow our thought and blind and bind us to being sort of numb drones mulling about. It's weird. We can be very checked out, foggy, sleepy and sluggish, or we can be very hyped and vibrant and forceful and awake! And both of these tendencies combine or not to make up the apparently infinite variations of being however much duped, and beguiled into forgetfulness, or finding our way out of them toward more clear awareness in remembrance and oneness. And ever, back of all this vying for whatever awareness will do with itself, is just stillness, where we are essentially saved by zero, I suppose. The big O for Origin. We are it, just kicked out and kicking up whatever we stumble upon and find interesting enough to engage with.

So that's that. I am here. I am the nothingness seeking relating. But hey, that's no blank check either, as I have my pricklies, yes, just as everyone does in their own bizarre ways. Each going about saying, "Hey, you can touch this but not that. You can stand there but not over there. You can hold my hand, but okay that's enough. I will give you this much information and no more. I will check to see if you pass inspection. And if not, then I banish you from my radar, etc, etc." So it gets very tricky being these very articulated differences, just trying to get along with them without driving them crazy or being driven crazy. All these deeps we have for dredging and wondering whatever to share with the next guy just to break up the monotony.

Really, it's about as simple as that. What seems to be the basic rule is:

Do something that has you show up and I'll respond, or vise versa,
and we'll both see how much better that is than entire non-activity.

Why do dancers dance? You think they'd just lay around and conserve energy. But no, their inner string theory seems to want to crunch some wiggly numbers and see what it feels like to relate to its own hardware, all these muscles and tendons and breathing and jumping and bending and turning and seeing oneself in the mirror taking shape. It's all God relating to self in everyone. God/Nothing/Everything/United/Diversifying. Yes, every move of every thing is God relating from there. And we relate from wherever we can conceive relating. We're all wombs conceiving actions to take and then taking them. And wow, if I keep at practicing, I tend to become more masterful, and how cool is that.

So I have notice this grunt in me that sort of heckles or presses on me or insists or browbeats with this endless push to really trying to figure things out. And yet, decades go by, and I'm not really sure how much I've learned, even though I've tried very hard to learn things. And what's it amount to? --as though it should amount to something. We all seem to be individually and collectively wondering where to pay enough of our attention in order to amount to something. How oddly we chase mattering, as though maybe we don't matter enough and we should matter more. So we huff and puff and try to blow ourselves bigger and better. All puffing-ups. And hey, nothing against it, because nothing's all in and around it. This penchant for being something, achieving something, amounting to Something that might stick a while in significance. We want to be signifiers signifying significance.

Maybe that's the game, this dance of energies is swirling around trying to hook attention. "See, watch me do this. Neat, huh?" And "It's all show bizz" as Lennon says. So all the great and little stories and myths are simply various ways of hooking attention. All the movies, all the fashions, all the stars in the sky are congealing energies into matters that hope to matter or maybe just do matter. The universe conspires to animate us to mattering, and that seems to be a pretty great idea. But then it does it in such varied ways, and then the difficulties in trying to relate to each other. "What, you've got a birth mark there? That is weird. You are weird. I think I might have to take a few steps back from your weirdness. I mean what the heck? I'm not prepared to take in such difference as you! So step ye back and away so I don't get cooties or worse!" And that's how fantastically charming the universe is, to charm us into believing these getouts we're all stuck in and trying to get along with and make something of. These garbs we are. "Hi, I'm a garb. I see you're a garb, too. Well, great. Impress me. " And so it goes. And it's God/Nothing in there transfixed on having an experience on the great slay of possible life processes. And everyone's taking different positions. "OK, I'm over here, you're over there, and this guy's here." And we are points of view viewing this thing that is made of common resources, fundamentally, yet so good at making discrete periods in the periodic table that we can actually believe that there is such a thing as a foreigner.

This happens politically, religiously, culturally, through every combination of groups gathering for the fun and strangeness and attraction of however they're grouping. Each gathering is inherently at risk of being by their own definition biased toward themselves and away from others. And this of course provokes a natural intolerance of any other gathering that's too much different than their differences. And if the differences are too drastic, they may feel threatened enough to want to do something about it. And of course this can lead to defensiveness, aggression, war, genocide, etc, etc. The universe through us has discovered the possibility of great stand-offs. God has so flown the coop of being entirely in touch with his absolute inclusiveness, that we forget the inherent connection of all things indivisible. We all become a host of mixed messages, mixing and matching variously inclusive and exclusive. And really, there is but one essential mixed message:

"I am one with you and I am different than you".

The big challenge is to decide how much we are one and how much we are different. If we can hold in our memories that, "Oh, yeah, we come from the same Nothingness", then we can be a bit more chill and not resistant to and not obnoxiously oppositional to each other. We can know our common nothingness, and then we can dig on the differences of our forms. Because that's all it is, folks. I think it's just formings out of the unformed. And we are sharing forms. And thoughts are forms, too, right? Thoughtforms. Yes, things form in all kinds of ways. And they are all God experimenting with throwing himself into every form. So when an army guy kills an enemy, he is killing a form that came out of the same formlessness they both were born out of.

Maybe killing isn't so bad. I mean I've heard that the Greys (aliens, of course) pop humans like soap bubbles. And they know it's all God like they are, and don't mind recycling. Seems a bit crass seeing humans as so disposable. But humans do it toward themselves and other life forms, too. Much as we mostly don't like the notion of being disposable, we are ourselves disposers. We have all this pride to be something distinct and resilient and heroic and able to keep standing like a flagpole or erection wanting to maintain its inflatedness. And we don't want to perish or be popped like a bubble. So we have these cell walls that protect us from invasive outsides. And that's really the game, too. What it all comes down to, that the beginning curving, ripping, staving off found ways of enclosing upon regions that become cells of separation. I really don't know how a beginning little curve could become a wiggle, could produce such prodigious dancing, resonating, oscillating, could become cells, could become solidness of tree and chair and oatmeal and mouth and stomach and digestion. And it's also like a big flushing thing, that things are always flowing and swallowing and sphinctering. Yes? Even an orgasm is a sphincter retraction which we all get so impressed by, experiencing a tubular wave passing through flesh. Up and down it all rolls in a fun repetition till fading as such waves are wont to do.

So, it's all waking up, waving, energizing, taking form, even to the extent of a diamond so solid that nothing can scratch it. And we are impressed with that resistance. But the universe didn't decide to just be diamonds. It also decided to be us. And it's curious how it decided to be so standoffish while also feigning or really wanting connection, but liking and preferring and being able to withstand certain kinds of connections better and more than others. How strange that the unified field can find some of itself offensive. One part defends against another even while the other part may be trying desperately to establish resonant contact.

Yes, somehow the universe is that silly. And we cover over it with all this dressing, like ladies in waiting, and distant men, and what's under the covers, and what nasty words can't we say in public and what rules can we apply to everyone so that things can get along without so much conflict. Cosmic play reduced to stop signs and traffic cops and presidents and flags and borders and border patrols... because we are so unpredictable or dangerous that someone among us has to take it upon themselves or be voted as representatives to be the police and authority over each one's individual authority in order to establish more order.

So it's order vs disorder. Another continuum arching from pole to pole, extreme to extreme. Themes of polarity abound. And that's irritating and stimulating. And the universe seems to like this configuration enough to invest all this amount of curvature of space and time to make all these forms out of the Great Nothingness, of which we all are. In convincing cogness as neat as it can be.

I pledge allegiance to the Great Nothingness of which I am
which I really don't have to do,
because it's like saying I promise I will stay connected to myself
but how can you ever disconnect from yourself?
And maybe that's why we're biased away from unity
is that unity is so obviously the cosmic default
that we are sort of spun to try to keep ourselves discrete
so we don't mush back into each other too self-cancellingly.

But I'm writing here partly to try to make some impact on the scenery
which sort of looks too separate
especially since we are all so vast
seems we'd come out of hiding and share
our vastness with each other
tho' I see that's not so easy
as we are like these bubble universes all taking up our own spaces
and to intersect is like asking some major planets and suns and asteroids
to find a way to include and adapt to my bubble universe
it's like hollow fat people co-mingling there blubberies
I mean that can get intimidating and messy
when our ordered sides are busy trying to keep
our own real estate holdings in good working order.

I confess that I think we can't really win
in the sense of some final forever win
because the universe implies song, continuity, verb,
one damn thing after another
of things distinguishing themselves from each other.
It's why kids naturally want to move away from home
when they get old enough
They don't want to just be the same old thing their parents are
God's boredom is apparently too hungry for that ease of repetitious relating
Rather, let there be something new! to relate to
among all the relating and differences and surprises
and let there be further and further evolutions
and then of course on to eventually remembering
oh yeah, nothingness I still am,
and that's okay, too
the flip side of the coin
one side having no boundary
and yes, everything is joined
in the yeasty, questionable sanity of all this diversification.

Yes, the one and the many
yes yes and always yes
and what else is there
but purloying the vertigious horns of plenty
bullishing themselves into ever and ever buttresses
and fractals and variations on themes
for infinity and forever
and will we ever tire of that word or concept or realization?
that here we are again!
finding ourselves whatever we are
at this stage of infinity undulating ever on and on
and nobody gets to be the exclusive winner
for every win is tied to the whole,
the whole of nothing -sad or not to say...

"Nothing comes from nothing
nothing ever could" Julie sings

and yes, put nothing in the positive spin
and the nothing can be seen as the great provider
which we have all been provided by thus far
because it's forever, people
just on and on in our lexicons of in the beginning was the word
and the word had quite a mouth
and we are really flapping our lips
and birthing on and on

Ideating (why not?), coagulating, getting the upper hand
"these are the prisons, these are the crimes" as Bowie said
that we are all thieves in our own night
the one great knight cutting through the clutter
and becoming Robbin Hoods of merry thiefdom
and the common people are divided
on how much they like what each hood snatches
from the big bad holders of massive accumulations
to the little pick pockets
that with the most mass tends to prevail
but then that's not entirely a given
and we live to see where the upper hand is going to show up next.

So Physics
and mass
and measuring the spin
Mass. We are mass. We take up space
these collectivizing energies
all taking their parts.
We intrude upon absolute rest,
excusing ourselves while taking up space wherever we do
and we drop anchor or put up stakes or fences
or declare that our squatting has become squatters' rights
and we stick it out against everything that would pour in to overtake us

So we are walls and bridges
and ever the twain shall vie
Holding our own
and embracing
and deciding between the two.
Even penetration is only sort of cursory in our world, isn't it?
I mean it's nice edges to wave-undulate with
but it's still edges to edges
while the great nothingness hangs suspended in it all
and we don't really overlap actually
no we are made in images and forms that simply touch edges
rub surfaces together
though I suppose can share breath
and the mental and emotional energies seem capable
of mingling pretty cohesively
But by the looks of it, we've got some complex energetics here, people!
So many levels of interaction, and some staving off pretty good from penetration
while others are much more transactive, merging, joining.

And every group is a cell-like structure
of cordoning off from other groups
and that's the play
the play of infinite relationships however grouping or not able to
for infinite reasons of not fitting quite right just now

And partly the game is to see how long each edifice can keep standing
against crumbling or being eaten.
God props things up as long as he can.
Just look at the banks lately.
Tying their mostest to stay propped up.
Because for God'Sake we don't want to dissipate into nothingness
I was just there too recently and I want to work it out
I want to shake it up and do the cosmic wiggle
and be string theory energized
and see who else shows up to dance this dance.

And that's the do, Marylou.
So show up or don't.
Drop some money in the honey pot
so Winnie can get some more pooh
to work through his orifices
gulp gulp, cylindrical wave action swallowing
and turning stuff into me power
and then showing up as some value to the whole.

See, that's the thing
I wonder if we are evolving toward fuller motives to please the whole
because now it seems like there is a lot of things
being out for their limited selves
and not really caring about the rest of the whole
but doing its own thing, and fuck-all what happens very far beyond themselves
like Bush not really feeling how the people feel at the other end of the bombs he's ordered dropped over Iraq.
He's so far removed and doesn't seem to see the significance
of all that death and destruction.
I mean, how far can caring go?

So Creation is really capable of fucking with itself.
No kidding. It can really do the do and rub your face in it.
The Big Bang produced Little Atomic Bangs
and let's see what happens when we blow those up.

It's like the glut of God's infinity
doesn't seem to mind offing parts of its nothing-built self
as what the who, destroy that, and grow this, and watch out
anyone getting in my way.
And what a scramble of ways
that contradict and mess with each other and give each other trouble.
God is really good at playing villain to everything not like itself.
And yet we are of the same original nonself, essence, first starter
of which we are all born, squirted, oozed, ripped out of.
Trippy deal.

So if you are enough like me
somehow similarly resonant enough
you will have positive reactions to me
find me worth putting your attention to however much
and that will be godnothingsomethingness
in both of us feeling relieved of some not enough beingness
while we busy ourselves with being mass enough
to show up and present ourselves
and make each other happy in relating.

And if not enough resonant, then not happy.
Maybe very upset.

But relating seems willing to risk bad relating.
And there is plenty unsavory about relating
and yet, in we go anyway
like unto Disneyland with our ticket hands all outstretched
and gulping it all into our eyes and grins and fascinatabilities.
Still of the same nothing, but distant enough
to help sate our longing for what we lopped off
as we've parted from the whole however impossible that is
becoming convinced we are separate and alone
and maybe we won't ever come to anything worth a hang!

To be worthless seems the greatest shame
and yet we come from nothing
and then we start up again and again
always tomorrow to fill
to expand into infinity
to shake it up, break it up, change it up
do the daring do
break away
be an individual. :-)
It's kind of dear how much God likes to be individual
and show off and shine.

Shining. Now there's an incredulity.
To shine. You try it!
Yet, there is shining in all this blackness.
God said, "Shit, I can't see a thing.
Give me a flashlight will you?"
And asking apparently received.
God knows or knows not how that happened.
Flashlights aren't kids' stuff and neither is the baking sun
just hanging suspended there so solid and outpouring of its light
and from whence? What a strange and glorious continuum is the sun.
And we bask for free.
It provideth to us this free warmth and light.
And how is that possible?
So what a grand forever and ever play of all these forces
and so finely fitted into forms
that we find appealing and enthralling and captivating and engaging
as well as septic and stingy and stinky and vile, and on and on.
Yes, God mixes it up everyway he can manage to spontaneously combust
I don't know how it works.

We are these sophicated conglomerations
we hardly know how grand and intricate and capable we really are
and we're like, "Hey, Jeb, hand me that instruction manual, would ya?"
And Jeb hasn't been invented yet, and neither has the instruction manual.
Or maybe it is aliens millions of years advanced
and they've made us to be play things they like to manipulate
and inform however they like
and we are just little puppet things of bigger ideators.
Maybe. But hey, if we don't like that
I guess we can recycle.
And who's keeping score?
Is it all okay because it all passes?
The only thing that abides is nothingness
and its tendency to create diversions of itself?
That seems a bit of a shame of a conclusion
no great granddaddy watch at the end of the ride
just... nothing?
That's what's really behind all these conspiracies?

Because even my breath is but a taking in of however curvatures
that somehow feed through me into lung and marrow and every cell
breathing in because something calls to be fed and filled
and then inevitably pretty quick, that breath grows stale
and we want to let it out
We wanted it at the inhale side of things
but then we don't want it at the exhale side
and we await the next desire to breathe the next breath in.

So we are bellowmebrothers
we bellow in
and then we woosh out
filling emptying
and the thing has got to basically solved in zero
right? Is that so bad?
I guess we like seeing how far out we can throw the javalin
so far from home and bye bye the old ways
and hello newness.
So we try to outrun entropy and dissolving
keep away from mooshing back to nothing.

You know, we're probably plenty familiar with nothingness
so we keep squirming against it to take up forms
that defy the obvious route to oblivion.
No, we want to be right proper upbringing
something respectable, something upright
and a great standard bearer to the community
or whatever!

But I say, just Be and expand your Being
as the Great Nothing will ever be by your side and in you and you of it
the audience that created you but isn't really there
or maybe it's more significantly or eternally there
than every passing star of which we all are
passing stars
shining our light
and exploring our dark curvatures and hidy holes
and capacities to deceive each other.
Every distinction is a deception of sorts
right back to the first impulse to separate
and we like that kind of magic sleight of hand
we like being fooled into believing stuff
that seems impossible
for main example
that nothingness could ever amount to anything.

But here it is amounted and amounting
the Great Nothing has become us
among everything else
and it's all relationships in the great garden
which includes Hitler doing his kind of gardening that many people wince at
and Jesus gardening his style
and we wave upon both shorelines
we receive the however crashings of greater energies rolling in
yes, we are feelers for feeling all these waves, these waves
ever feeling and experiencing and clinging for as long as we don't let go.
And clinging is fun, and letting go is fun
and puffing up into significance is fun
and deflating and dissolving as in falling asleep can be fun
after a very big day at the beach
building sand castles that real people inhabit
while the big cosmic waves hang back for a while
before they pounce.
"Oh, damn, you pounser!? I was all playing a cool part back then. And now look. Dust in the wind. Mush. Flattening. Nulled and voided. How dare you piss on my pot o gold."

"Hey, kid, too bad. I outmassed you this time." So the dashed recycles, but to where? To the Great Inclusion. Or maybe all the way back which isn't very far at all, in the ever nothing present emptiness. "Oh, back here again." And on and on we go. So it's really not having to be such a big deal. But big deals are made, and eventually some of them go bankrupt. And they get chopped up and divvied up and take on new shingles and serve customers differently. And we are all customer and shop keeper. We are all audience and actor. We are all nothing and somethings. And if you're liking this reading, the maybe you want to keep in mind more this inclusion we all are, at least in the calmness of your no mind, beyond all the chatter of measuring forms and seeing which ones are in and which ones must stay out. Beyond all that clever figuring is calm space either side of breath in, breath out. Just stall, no motor turning. Just open, all, ever present. Yes, we all have that in us, and in that we are e pluribus unum. And that essential equality cannot be undone but by believing it so, focusing on it so, forming it so. And all forms fall away away to give rise to next forms and erectabilities out of the grand image-making capacity of the maker. We are made makers making and keeping the juggling in the air and circulating. Yes, all these circulation systems. These mouse contraptions we all frolick through. Yes, they go on and on. And maybe after I die, we'll meet up again sometime. I mean this side of pure nothingness we may keep meeting defiant and yet familiar. Or one step further and we're back to our origins and perfectly calm there. Zippo.

But for now, we call each other names, because "God gave names to all the animals in the beginning" and names are words and words have power and we are very suggestable to these powerpacking packages of meaning.

So that's another thing I wanted to do was start a dictionary of how I've come to see some words. And I think it may be clarifying. And it can be fun to come from fuzziness to clarity, from blind spots, to having those blind spots filled in. And you know how a puzzle at first is like totally pieces unrelated and signifying a mess, but gradually you connect the pieces and find where they g, and the picture really starts filling in till the missing pieces become fewer and fewer. And voila! We see a whole. We yearn to see whole pictures, yet don't want to get so whole that we become zilch. How funny, zilch has made us and yet we defy it. We were made to defy zilch and yet zilch made us out of its stasis which we apparently didn't find satisfying enough. So we are satisfactory defiers. Hopefully, we're managing to be that.

I hope to be a satisfactory defier, but on friendly enough terms to be invited to parties. Well, not with yucky people. Only cool people. Will the cool people please invite me out to parties? And be really cool so that I can be impressed and you can be impressed that I'm impressed and we can be somehow magicaly cointendingly impressive with each other.

And "can't we stop hurting each other, and tearing each other apart?" Every song is either: "We're together", "We're breaking up", "We broke up", "I hate you", "I never want to see you again", "You hurt me real bad", "Did you do that on purpose?", "Do I mean that little to you?", "What, you want me to eat worms?", "You're really rude, you know that? You suck!", "How could I have fallen for you?" And on and on we wax and wane.

But for now, here we are. You have found me. Sniffed me out or stumbled in. And am leaving this note to let you know I got this far. These are my breadcrums on the infinite trail. And man what a sprawl that is. And Ben just told me how to spell sprawl, so I'm glad he passed by attentively that much. And on he goes to something else beyond my periferal vision.

So go your way and returneth if you do. And we shall boogie woogie however we choose. And we will remind and forget to remind and get all caught up and return to laughing, which is a kind of cylindrical orgasm, isn't it? We apparently like to wave tubular, and one way is by laughing roundly. So let's occasionally remind ourselves to laugh roundly and get off on each other being there other and enough distant but enough close and recurring, like planets rotating in great spaces, being their own vast universes, somehow capable of visiting and intertwining and furthering our expansions while not retracting in ways we don't like imagining being retracted too far from. Ever onward as we shake it up and shake hands and make light and love of this whole fandango.

I sense perhaps I'm not all that cool, but maybe I'm getting there. And how do I get there when I've already arrived? Because I and everyone is the already there arrival hanging suspended back of all form. So let's have some form and let's acknowledge our shared formlessness. That's what I want more of. Too much differentness is too much vertigo, too dizzy and spinning and feeling out of balance.

Yes, I think we could balance more from Bush clashings and blind arrogant not knowing any better, to more of a win win for everyone. I mean of course, every movie is a win, because we all get to see something fill the screen, something besides emptiness. But can we have a little culture, please, sophistication, nuance, intimacy, humility in seeing into each other's radiance and appreciating these equalities? That would be nice, yes? More of that, waiter! And not to make you wait too long, nor to wait on me if you resent the compliment. No, sir, let's be our sovereign however differences. Let's have a go at that. And I'll tell you if your elbows are intruding on my space to be sovereign. Gosh, Real Estate is a bitch, isn't it? And yet, I like that house. And that one over there is a peach. Oh, let's go get peaches. Hey buddy, watch out for my peaches! No I didn't mean stare down my cleavage! Mind your own beezwax, you brazen ne'erdowell! Mind your manners if you have any. And if not I'm calling the cops. Because we need some order around here. I'm holding my genetics out of your reach. I don't want to birth just any old random selection. Or do I? Hm. Let me think about that. Maybe random is good. Or maybe not. Hm.

Check back with me, and maybe we'll take this thing a little farther.