Picking Up Trash

So, work has been cut back and temp work fallen off. Figured I might as well do something useful with my time while looking for signs as to how much I should keep holding on to. Got a vest and recyclable green trash bags from the city and spent some hours yesterday, picking up trash along pedestrian trails north of the Mall, either side of Hwy 89. Now this was not a totally unselfish act, as I like listening to podcasts on my hand me down iPod. And I’d prefer moving around than sitting while listening. Picking up trash figured as something to keep my body active, so it don’t prematurely decompose.

Well, along came a semi-drunk Navajo man I heard making some remark as he passed by me. So I pulled off my earpbuds and we got into a conversation. Said he was just released after 15 days in jail for being drunk in public. Didn’t do anything to harm anyone. First offense. He said drinking helped take the worry away, but then the worry just comes back. I asked if he got any support inside the jail, and he said he read the Bible, which he did respect and had experience of from going to church in earlier years.

He kept drawing a line in the air to show this question he had between the Christian faith and Navajo tradition. Said he was afraid of doing the wrong thing and having to go to Hell for eternity. Couldn’t figure out what to do about it. Said Satan’s got a hold of him, got a hold of this whole world. I said I didn’t believe The Creator of the Universe would punish for eternity what “He” himself created. I suggested he look into everything and find the truth best he can. Don’t just choose one belief system over another, because they all have truth and much to question. So pick and choose point by point, as each must person be their own decider no matter what external authority, written or spoken, comes along to persuade you. After all, each decides from within their own capacity to discern.

A couple other guys he knew came by and he walked off with them. Later I saw them going back behind an earth mound, and I walked around to see what they were doing. Two of them had large bottles of beer in their hands. The place was littered empty bottles just like the ones they were holding.

I thought it must be a terrible fix this fellow’s in, caught between traditions, finding alcohol some relief from choices he can’t seem to make to ease his mind. He said the reason he comes to town is the alcohol is cheaper than on the Reservation, and he gets less flack for it in town.
These darn religions, their talk of salvation and hellfire, can make a mess of a person’s mind among all the hope and threats. Don’t get me wrong, like all things, religions can do good or ill. It can just be hard to tell the difference sometimes. We can say the same thing about the military. Does good; does ill. People gotta choose what parts they feel worth supporting. I guess he’s doing the best he can drowning out the inner debates. Trying to find some kind of peace in a messy world.

I thought I might go back some time and pick up all the empty bottles, and maybe leave a sign that said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Who knows, maybe he’ll get in touch with something he’d rather do, more constructive than finding peace through booze and leaving behind a bunch of empty bottles. I’m not sure it’s for me to judge, but I can wish him well while looking for my own signs of what to keep holding onto.